I got to the farm around 2-ish after a few little turn arounds and stops for directions (map-quest is a viscous lie!). I arrived just in time for lunch the menu was roasted pork fresh from the farm and wild rice with peasant loaf bread and gooey cheese both from the farm. It was delicious.
After lunch it was straight to work. It was time to feed the pigs, a job that involves much more upper body strength and wit that I expected. The pigs only really see people when they are fed so they have developed this Pavlov's dog reaction every time they see someone wander up to them, and the last thing you want to be between is a hungry pig and a loaf of bread.
In full farm tradition the pigs get the scraps, which in this case is day old artisan bread and fresh whey from cheese production (lucky ass pigs). The trick to feeding is to divert the pigs by throwing frisbees of focaccia in the opposite direction of the feed troff so you can pour the 15 gallons of whey without getting tossed in shit. About ten minutes in I was covered in whey and drenched in sweat. (I'm hoping the slave labor will work like an aerobics routine and I'll be shredded by august)
After surviving the pigs it was off to wash the whey containers and prepare for cheese production. As we walked back a duck came running past us for it's dear life from a rather robust rooster. The rooster caught the duck in some low brush and... this is where things got weird ... held the duck by it's neck with it's beak and displayed why we so appropriately refer to them as well as "cocks". This Rooster was letting this poor duck have it. I felt so helpless, two hours on the farm and my first sexual assault! I know I'm supposed to let nature take it's course but what the fuck it's natural about a rooster raping a duck? Eventually the rooster finished his deed and the violated poultry was left shamefully in the brush. I still can't look the rooster in the eye.
Cheese production was very educational and exciting. We made blue cheeses in the style of the Visigoths. There is something about making medieval blue cheese that just makes you're day seem truly worth while.
After molding curds it was time to clean up a different type of curd. Yes it was time to literally shovel shit. My partner was one of the other farm assistants. She is a very lovely soft spoken girl from France. She may not actually be soft spoken but the most french I know is saute and souffle and she is here to learn english so there was a lot of non verbal communication. It worked out though because when shoveling shit you really want to open your mouth as little as possible.
My partner clearly had done this job before and I realized she had the upper hand. She immediately went for the newer shovel and the side of the barn higher than the other. Suddenly I found myself with a shovel two scoops away from breaking and a pool of piss flowing from the high ground. I started out strong and then "Crack!" the shovel broke. My partner looked and smiled innocently, I know she saw it coming. Then it started to get to me, with each scoop a new waft of ammonia and methane hit me. There was no way of escaping. I was living in an episode of "Dirty Jobs" and I was only half way done!
Now I'm not sure really how I feel about this but eventually I just got used to the smell of cow shit. Sure every so often a rather robust whiff got to me, but my lack of a gag reflex really proved itself useful in more ways than I thought.
After scooping the pooping the day had come to an end and the apprentices we released to the farm hows. Finally I got to unpack! Dinner was a special occasion. not only was it a welcome celebration to the knew assistants but it was as well the birthday party for one of the older farm assistants. We grilled up some skirts steaks from our very own cows and drank home made beer. We ate outside under an ancient tree. Dinner carried on long after the sun had set behind us and the clouds illuminated with soft pale light. Fireflies appeared all around us and the night ended with the singing of folk songs and sharing of stories. A night I will always remember.
Two things:
ReplyDeleteA. when shoveling shit it really helps to try to convince yourself it's just mud. really its dirt. no big deal.
B. Check out a duck penis. I swear they are curly like a pigs tail and I haven't been able to find any pictures on the internet. Nobody believes me!!